[The fact of the matter is Joseph has had weeks to think about this. On the whole, things have been calm. Quiet even. It's a huge difference from the past few months, anyway, because Joseph doesn't feel like he's waiting around for the other shoe to drop anymore. It's already dropped repeatedly since he's arrived here. Maybe there are more secrets or things he hasn't been told about, but it's such a low probability that he hasn't put any thought or energy into it. No, the only thing he's thought about is how to tell Caesar.]
[When he asked, the general consensus was that he shouldn't wait too long and in the end, he agrees with it. He shouldn't wait because he knows that he can't. Joseph isn't the sort of person who's very good at keeping his feelings to himself. He lets people know one way or another what he's thinking and feeling because his heart's always right there on his sleeve. Either he said something or his heart betrayed him and it came out anyway. Joseph's... Joseph's not afraid per se, but he does worry about something as clumsy as having his feelings for Caesar come out of nowhere or at the wrong place and the wrong time.]
[Or even worse, having Caesar figure it out before Joseph can even say anything in the first place.]
[That's probably what he's been worried about most of all because Caesar's not stupid. Even if he couldn't see Joseph like that, even if he didn't feel the same way, he still can read Joseph like an open book. Over the past few weeks, since Joseph figured it out for himself, there have been times he thought that's exactly what happened. Times when Caesar looked at him for a little longer than expected after Joseph said something and he thinks maybe he gave it away without meaning to, his mind frantically retracing his steps and his words to find where he might have screwed up until Caesar resumes the conversation like nothing at all. Then he can breathe.]
[But there have also been plenty of times where Joseph's almost blurted it out. It comes to him during some of the most innocuous times, making holding back harder because he's almost not quite aware of it in time to stop himself. It leaves him frustrated every time, not because he hasn't said anything, but because he can't figure out why then. He understood it the other night when they talked about things. He knew why he wanted to say something that night beyond just that it was a sudden revelations that happened only hours before. But he shouldn't want to just come out and say something like that when there's a lull in dinner conversation or when Caesar's giving him a hard time for making a mess and not picking up after himself. But he does. All the damn time. Out of nowhere.]
[And that's about how any of this comes about today. It's not something Joseph's thought through. It's simply a recognition that trying to keep this to himself is exhausting. That there's never going to be an ideal time or way to say it and any of the hundred and one times he had the chance, he probably should have then and there. So when the spur of the moment hits him and he's nowhere near Caesar, he takes a detour to the greenhouse. It's time. It just has to be. As much as he hates walking into a situation where he doesn't necessarily know if the outcome will be in his favor and as much as he'd rather have more of a plan formulated than just saying it, he realizes he's not going to know until he says it and he doesn't really need to do anything more than just say it.]
[So he takes a moment, outside their apartment door, to take a deep breath before he fully and completely decides to throw caution to the wind. The outcome, he tells himself, doesn't matter so long as their friendship remains intact. And he thinks it will. It's survived so much and only grown that even this can't mess things up. Not that he think it will. Well. He's not counting on it starting to mess things up because that's not what love is or does. It's complicated and difficult sometimes, but love is a good thing. And this love especially is both complicated and good.]
[Joseph adjusts the bundle of sunflowers to one arm, careful not to crush any of them, to open the door. When he steps through, he looks and sounds much more at ease than he feels.]
Caesar, I'm back and I got something for you!
[Joseph closes the door behind him his foot as he unwinds his scarf—no, that's Caesar's, he must have grabbed it by mistake—from around his neck.]
04/08 (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡
[When he asked, the general consensus was that he shouldn't wait too long and in the end, he agrees with it. He shouldn't wait because he knows that he can't. Joseph isn't the sort of person who's very good at keeping his feelings to himself. He lets people know one way or another what he's thinking and feeling because his heart's always right there on his sleeve. Either he said something or his heart betrayed him and it came out anyway. Joseph's... Joseph's not afraid per se, but he does worry about something as clumsy as having his feelings for Caesar come out of nowhere or at the wrong place and the wrong time.]
[Or even worse, having Caesar figure it out before Joseph can even say anything in the first place.]
[That's probably what he's been worried about most of all because Caesar's not stupid. Even if he couldn't see Joseph like that, even if he didn't feel the same way, he still can read Joseph like an open book. Over the past few weeks, since Joseph figured it out for himself, there have been times he thought that's exactly what happened. Times when Caesar looked at him for a little longer than expected after Joseph said something and he thinks maybe he gave it away without meaning to, his mind frantically retracing his steps and his words to find where he might have screwed up until Caesar resumes the conversation like nothing at all. Then he can breathe.]
[But there have also been plenty of times where Joseph's almost blurted it out. It comes to him during some of the most innocuous times, making holding back harder because he's almost not quite aware of it in time to stop himself. It leaves him frustrated every time, not because he hasn't said anything, but because he can't figure out why then. He understood it the other night when they talked about things. He knew why he wanted to say something that night beyond just that it was a sudden revelations that happened only hours before. But he shouldn't want to just come out and say something like that when there's a lull in dinner conversation or when Caesar's giving him a hard time for making a mess and not picking up after himself. But he does. All the damn time. Out of nowhere.]
[And that's about how any of this comes about today. It's not something Joseph's thought through. It's simply a recognition that trying to keep this to himself is exhausting. That there's never going to be an ideal time or way to say it and any of the hundred and one times he had the chance, he probably should have then and there. So when the spur of the moment hits him and he's nowhere near Caesar, he takes a detour to the greenhouse. It's time. It just has to be. As much as he hates walking into a situation where he doesn't necessarily know if the outcome will be in his favor and as much as he'd rather have more of a plan formulated than just saying it, he realizes he's not going to know until he says it and he doesn't really need to do anything more than just say it.]
[So he takes a moment, outside their apartment door, to take a deep breath before he fully and completely decides to throw caution to the wind. The outcome, he tells himself, doesn't matter so long as their friendship remains intact. And he thinks it will. It's survived so much and only grown that even this can't mess things up. Not that he think it will. Well. He's not counting on it starting to mess things up because that's not what love is or does. It's complicated and difficult sometimes, but love is a good thing. And this love especially is both complicated and good.]
[Joseph adjusts the bundle of sunflowers to one arm, careful not to crush any of them, to open the door. When he steps through, he looks and sounds much more at ease than he feels.]
Caesar, I'm back and I got something for you!
[Joseph closes the door behind him his foot as he unwinds his scarf—no, that's Caesar's, he must have grabbed it by mistake—from around his neck.]