[It's always a struggle for Joseph to be patient. He's never been good at it. He went from being an impatient child to an impatient teenager to an impatient adult. But he's learn to exert more of it. To ration it out in small pieces so that when it really counts, he can fall back on a large reserve of it. Or maybe that's not it. Maybe it's that when it really counts, he's able to find a hidden reserve. That seems more likely because as Caesar stammers and doesn't seem to know how to say what he wants to say, Joseph can only think that it's okay. It doesn't matter how long it takes, he can wait for Caesar to say what he needs to say.]
[And Caesar talks. It's just not with words.]
[Joseph inhales sharply through his nose out of surprise—which he feels completely foolish for being surprised because one things were set in motion, there really wasn't any other way it could have gone—but he kisses back almost immediately. He kisses back and he pulls Caesar closer yet to him by his shirt with his free hand because with that kiss comes the end of Joseph's patience for the space between them. It doesn't occur to Joseph to think about how he's wanted to do this for weeks. It doesn't even cross his mind that this is his first kiss. He can only think about how warm Caesar's hand is in his and the taste of his kiss and how dizzying the happiness he feels at being kissed like this is.]
[It's beyond what he had ever dared hope for. He knew this, all of it, was a distinct possibility as much as the less desirable scenarios, but he didn't dare hope for it. He didn't dare let himself get attached to the idea that Caesar would want him back, would let himself love Joseph the way Joseph loves him because if it didn't work out that way, he'd be okay in the long-run, but he would also be crushed. He'd be crushed and it would take so much longer for Joseph to be okay again because it would hurt being around Caesar. It would hurt and it would feel like they had taken twenty steps back in some ways with Caesar becoming even more hard and sharp edges than he'd been in the beginning.]
[But that's not what happened. It's never going to happen. What Joseph has instead is someone that he loves kissing him because they feel the same way. And it's so much more than that. It's Caesar allowing himself to have this, too. Joseph squeezes Caesar's hand in his lightly as his other hand lets go of Caesar's shirt in favor of cradling the back of his head. He doesn't need to say it. Joseph knows now. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Joseph knows.]
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[And Caesar talks. It's just not with words.]
[Joseph inhales sharply through his nose out of surprise—which he feels completely foolish for being surprised because one things were set in motion, there really wasn't any other way it could have gone—but he kisses back almost immediately. He kisses back and he pulls Caesar closer yet to him by his shirt with his free hand because with that kiss comes the end of Joseph's patience for the space between them. It doesn't occur to Joseph to think about how he's wanted to do this for weeks. It doesn't even cross his mind that this is his first kiss. He can only think about how warm Caesar's hand is in his and the taste of his kiss and how dizzying the happiness he feels at being kissed like this is.]
[It's beyond what he had ever dared hope for. He knew this, all of it, was a distinct possibility as much as the less desirable scenarios, but he didn't dare hope for it. He didn't dare let himself get attached to the idea that Caesar would want him back, would let himself love Joseph the way Joseph loves him because if it didn't work out that way, he'd be okay in the long-run, but he would also be crushed. He'd be crushed and it would take so much longer for Joseph to be okay again because it would hurt being around Caesar. It would hurt and it would feel like they had taken twenty steps back in some ways with Caesar becoming even more hard and sharp edges than he'd been in the beginning.]
[But that's not what happened. It's never going to happen. What Joseph has instead is someone that he loves kissing him because they feel the same way. And it's so much more than that. It's Caesar allowing himself to have this, too. Joseph squeezes Caesar's hand in his lightly as his other hand lets go of Caesar's shirt in favor of cradling the back of his head. He doesn't need to say it. Joseph knows now. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Joseph knows.]