[It's not the same thing as saying I love you. He knows that. Rationally. He does. He knows that's not what Caesar says and so he shouldn't feel a swell right in the center of his chest every time Caesar says his name. He shouldn't feel so eager to say I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours with his words and his touch like his whole world will fall apart if Caesar decides even for a fraction of a second that he doesn't want Joseph anymore. But he wants him. He does. He wants him and he needs him, and Joseph wants and needs Caesar, too, because he loves him. So it's complicated knowing something so horridly rationally, but feeling something else. Or maybe not else. More. Yes, that's it. Something more.]
[Caesar's face is buried in Joseph's neck and so any chance of kissing him properly is lost, but it seems hardly relevant with Caesar digging into his back like that. Joseph inhales sharply, his hand stuttering to a brief halt. It's too blatantly unplanned that he can't even write it off in his head convincingly that he's just trying to tease Caesar, never mind the only thing he can think to do right now is try to give Caesar everything in the world that he could possibly want and maybe more than that. And that's why Joseph recovers as quickly as he can. Because Caesar's trembling against Joseph and moving his hips with need and he can feel the heat of Caesar's ragged breaths against his neck and Joseph loves him. Joseph loves him so much that it should be terrifying, but it isn't. Joseph turns his head a little to bury his face in Caesar's hair, kissing him once.]
[He wants to say it again since it was okay that he did just a second ago, but he doesn't this time. He doesn't because he can feel the difference. Caesar's tightly wound right now, but it's different from before because even though he's hiding his face in Joseph's neck, he's not trying to really stifle anything anymore. He wants and needs Joseph so blatantly it... God, he wants it to be love.]
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[Caesar's face is buried in Joseph's neck and so any chance of kissing him properly is lost, but it seems hardly relevant with Caesar digging into his back like that. Joseph inhales sharply, his hand stuttering to a brief halt. It's too blatantly unplanned that he can't even write it off in his head convincingly that he's just trying to tease Caesar, never mind the only thing he can think to do right now is try to give Caesar everything in the world that he could possibly want and maybe more than that. And that's why Joseph recovers as quickly as he can. Because Caesar's trembling against Joseph and moving his hips with need and he can feel the heat of Caesar's ragged breaths against his neck and Joseph loves him. Joseph loves him so much that it should be terrifying, but it isn't. Joseph turns his head a little to bury his face in Caesar's hair, kissing him once.]
[He wants to say it again since it was okay that he did just a second ago, but he doesn't this time. He doesn't because he can feel the difference. Caesar's tightly wound right now, but it's different from before because even though he's hiding his face in Joseph's neck, he's not trying to really stifle anything anymore. He wants and needs Joseph so blatantly it... God, he wants it to be love.]