mylegacy | ic inbox ( ruby city )

...

[Of course it was a lie. At this point, Kakyoin felt like he was just listening to himself outright. Did he want Jotaro and the others to have been able to just move on with their lives? Obviously. If they hadn't--if even one of them had stayed hung up on the memory of a child who died in Cairo (and he knew damn well who would be hung up on it) then what would have been the point?]

[But he was selfish, and he'd desperately wanted at least one person there with him. Because things were easier with him nearby. Kakyoin had always seen himself and Hierophant as two halves of one whole. He'd never known there was a third piece to fit in the empty and lonely space that had always eaten him alive, and having been without that piece was torture.]

[So he expected it was possible that he understood Caesar's problem. More than he wanted to let on.]

...You think he'd forget? [Kakyoin's voice was strained, but he kept his expression controlled and even for now.] Even if he keeps living like he should, with the rest of his family...he won't forget.

[He wasn't sure which Jojo he was talking about anymore. Wasn't even sure there was a difference, in this case.]

You're right. It's selfish and stupid to want anyone to show up here, but do you think he wouldn't want to see you again regardless of that? If this is the only chance we'll ever have to keep living, if we can't get the hell out of here, wouldn't the two of you both do anything for even just ten more minutes together?

I won't say 'don't lie to me', Caesar. But don't look at me and act like he'll just fucking forget, like we died for nothing and don't matter.

Edited 2016-01-14 06:55 (UTC)

He should forget.

[If Kakyoin's voice is strained, Caesar's is hoarse, a second from screaming or exhausted from screaming for hours. Sometimes it feels like there really isn't any difference - like when he's not dreaming of dying he's awake and he's dead, it's all one useless continuous loop, and who cares.]

He should. I'm not like you. I didn't save him. I was stupid. I almost won, and then I wasn't good enough, and then I died. That's it. I didn't discover anything important. I didn't save anyone. I provided a shortcut. That's all.

There's nothing about that that's worth remembering. So if he wants to sacrifice a life that means something for even ten minutes here, then he's a fucking idiot.

...He wouldn't give a damn if you were good enough, you idiot.

[His hands curled into fists, out of frustration rather than anger at Caesar or anything else.]

I didn't have to die to figure out what I did. I was stupid and I wanted revenge, so I ran straight into a fight I couldn't win alone. I didn't even come close, I 'wasn't good enough' from the start. I was never 'good enough', and I even lost most of the fights I got into. [He gestured to the scars on his face, twisted by a half-forming scowl of frustration.]

You think it matters? Like he'll just stop giving a damn about you because you think you didn't do enough? I wish it was that easy. But this isn't something measured on 'was I good enough' or 'was I useful to you' or 'did I help at all', it's...it's...

[He trailed off, pressing a hand to his face. Which of them was he even lecturing now?]

...fuck.

[He stares at Kakyoin. Level expression, steely eyes. The only tell is the way his jaw clicks with how tight it's clenched, the way his fists, perfect mirrors, tremble in frustration.]

[If he comes here, I'll kill him. If he comes here, I'll kill him. If he comes here, I'll kill him, and that will send him back. I don't want to see him. I don't want to see him. I don't want to see his stupid smug face. I'll kill him if he comes here.]

[Where are you, you bastard?]

[Where the hell is he? He's not - he's not petty enough to say it out loud, but he feels like it's bleeding from him all the same: why do you get to not be alone when I have to be?]

[Maybe in some universe he's a better person. But all he is here is a man who left his family behind and didn't even win.]

[Just.]

Fuck.

[And he turns and walks, shoes and all, knees-deep into the surf.]

...

[It would be so, so much easier if they just forgot. If they could just throw the memory over their shoulders and keep walking, discard the knowledge that Caesar Zeppeli and Noriaki Kakyoin had ever existed and forget. Joseph and Jotaro alike could just live the rest of their lives without the shadow of death filling the empty position at their sides.]

[But it wasn't that easy. It wasn't that fair. They had to suffer knowing something had been lost that could never be replaced. For the first time in months, Kakyoin wondered what the last thing he'd said to Jotaro in Cairo was, and he realized he still didn't know. He doubted Jotaro did, and he wouldn't ask--no, he probably wouldn't even talk to him at all about this.]

Caesar-

[His voice faltered and cracked; Kakyoin didn't know what he could even say. Because the more he watched and listened, seeing himself reflected in someone that lived and died fifty years beforehand...]

[...the more he understood how Giorno had thought things were so painfully obvious.]

[And then, everything made perfect sense.]

[This is the part where he says sorry, right? This is the part where he turns to Kakyoin and says yes, you were right, this will help. Even if he's not sure that's true. Even if he's not sure, that's what he should say. And sorry. He should say that too.]

Don't say my name like that.

[Like what? He has no idea. Like there's some level of understanding here; there is, but he doesn't want there to be. He doesn't want Kakyoin to feel like this. He wants him to be safe, inside and out, not ripped apart every day, so empty and ugly that he has to check and make sure he really is alive. He doesn't want that for anyone. He doesn't even want it for himself; for himself, he just doesn't care.]

[One helpless shrug later, and he turns to Kakyoin blankly. Waves the photograph and tucks it into his jacket pocket. His toes are freezing, his boots are ruined. So, fine.]

Don't worry. I'll keep it. You didn't waste your time.

...You're the one that's going to get frostbite now, you know.

[He didn't really care about whether or not he heard an apology. On the scale of things, that didn't matter. Trying to hide the slight tremor to his hands, Kakyoin put his glasses back on.]

[If they didn't care worth a damn about themselves individually, someone had to.]

Eh.

[Yeah, "eh" apparently.]

I'm not made of sugar. I won't melt. So it is what it is.

Where the hell did you even get this?

You can still freeze.

[>:|]

There's a few different ways to get something like that around here. One of the people running this place was offering small exchanges a while ago, but I don't really need anything for myself. [A shrug.]

[Just going to ignore that. You're not his mom, Kakyoin.]

And you decided on this? I don't understand.

[Another shrug. Kakyoin folded his arms and glanced away, not entirely sure he understood either.]

It was just...the first thing I thought of.

The first thing you thought of was a picture of a man you only know as old, when he was younger and presumably even stupider. You wanted that instead of something that could actually be useful to you.

...Stop being hung up on what's 'useful' or not, just for a minute.

You just said I didn't waste my time. So this is worth it, to me.

[.......]

[shut up kakyoin]

You don't even know me.

Yeah, you've said that to me before. And you're still right, to a point.

But I know well enough to understand you're the kind of person I can get along with.

[suck it up you're getting befriended]

[Okay, you know what. This is about all the bonding he can take.]

[Enjoy this wall of water he's kicking at you, noncanon grandson.]

Hey--!

[He stumbled and fell backwards, ending up sitting on the beach looking like a bright red drowned rat with crooked glasses.]

[nyohoho]

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

I think I was going to say 'look behind you'.

[Because 'behind you' would be sneaky Hierophant, kicking up some water right back at Caesar.]

[WHOOPS]

[If Kakyoin looked like a wet rat, Caesar looks like a wet, angry dog. He blows his hair out of his face grumpily, takes two steps forward, and sits down in the surf, making a rude gesture.]

What's wrong? Don't tell me you can't take exactly what you're willing to give out.

You remember how we were talking the other day - about the entire ocean?

...I recall something to that effect, yes.

I can't do that.

[A beat.]

. . . But I can do this.

[And his hands come together under the water and shove, a Hamon-charged wave crashing towards Kakyoin on the shore.]

WHAT-

[congratulations]

[he is thoroughly soaked and oh my god his poor hair]

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