ic inbox ( ruby city )

[mylegacy]

"Leave a message, per favore; I'll be back before you know it."

[text|voice|video]

Comments

[mylegacy]

[It feels like . . . falling from a high place and not knowing if you're ever going to land. That's what it feels like, when Joseph looks at him like that, begs him like that, when his stomach drops and his breathing catches. If he'd thought about it before he would've expected to feel triumph, getting Joseph to beg - about anything, not just this - but while there's triumph there, it doesn't even come close to one simple realization.]

[There's nothing in the world he wants more than to give Joseph exactly what he wants, and as much of it as he can take. This is exactly where he wants to be, maybe where he needs to be, right here with Joseph looking at him like that, loved and desperate to be loved more. He feels fierce and protective, simmering with the desire to make him do that again, to hear please until there's no need for either of them to beg anymore.]

[He wants Joseph to be happy. That's all he wants.]

[The realization hits him hard, harder than the fingers digging into his shoulder. He makes a sound, a helpless sort of snarl, pinned in Joseph's gaze as he is, bites down roughly on his hipbone and then kissing the inside of his thigh. It's stupid, how much he wants to leave marks everywhere, how much, at least in this one way, he wants to be remembered.]

Yeah, Jojo.

[His voice is low against Joseph's thigh, eyes bright and intent. He's pretty sure he couldn't look away if he tried.]

Whatever you want. Anything, yeah?

[Anything. But they've almost always been like that anyway, so this . . . it almost makes sense. And maybe he's wanted something more than this in his life, but as he kisses his way up Joseph's cock and closes his lips around the tip, it's difficult to think of what it could have been.]

[nextlineis]

[Distantly, Joseph thinks that he shouldn't be that sensitive. Whether it's touches, kisses, or bites, it shouldn't stir any strong reaction out of him because they are simple things. Simple things that become greater than their sum because it's Caesar who bites at his hipbone and kisses his thigh. It's Caesar's voice that vibrates against his skin and— Joseph has to bite his lip, but it's not to keep himself quiet. Honestly, he doesn't think he could even with a sincere effort because nearly every little touch from Caesar's mouth is enough to wordless pleas from Joseph.]

[It's that he wants to watch. He wants to, but he doesn't know if he can. For starters, it's not like he's ever done anything like this before, and as much as he'd never want to admit it, he still feels a giddy sort of nervousness resting right in the bottom of his chest. Which is strange because it's not coming coupled with hardly any worried thoughts rising to the front of his consciousness. He trust Caesar. He trusts Caesar with his life, with his everything. He loves Caesar. If any single one of those things weren't true, this wouldn't be happening either because Joseph or Caesar wouldn't allow it to happen. So, it's the energy of the nervousness that's trying to settle more than anything, and as Caesar's kissing along his cock, Joseph's fighting every urge to squirm and fidget. His breathing's all gone to hell, but he could care less because he remains relatively still and that's what's important.]

[But oh, he can't watch. Even biting his lip to give him something else to focus on, Caesar's lips on him override any other sensation, and Joseph has to look up at the ceiling just for a few seconds as he sucks in a breath and simply forgets that he's supposed to breath out. Next time, he thinks. Greedily. He realizes that's a greedy and terribly selfish thing to think that there will be a next time when he hasn't had an answer beyond I want you. Which isn't a bad answer. It's given Joseph hope, and he's allowed himself to believe there's a chance that even if it doesn't really mean I love you, I'm just not sure, it might someday mean I love you. He lets the breath go and it's a jagged, rough thing, but it's gone and he remembers to breathe in again somewhere in there, and it's then that he manages to work up the nerve to look again.]

[mylegacy]

[It's funny. Later, he'll wonder why he wasn't worried about this. He worries about almost everything, he worried when it was Joseph touching him, so why not worry about this? The answer's simple, of course: he never had time to think about it. For once in his life, he just felt something and went for it, and there was never a moment when he stopped wanting and started worrying about how it might all go wrong.]

[He just wanted Joseph. He still doesn't understand how he can go from not noticing it to being unable to notice anything else in the space of an hour, but he doesn't care. The taste of Joseph, the smell of him, the way he moves under Caesar's hands, the sounds he's making: those are the only things that matter. Giving him exactly what he wants, that's what matters, so much so that it doesn't even remotely matter that Joseph can't look. Caesar can still monitor the way he's reacting, the way his muscles tense and his breathing shakes. They're still both here. That's what matters.]

[In the meantime, he takes his time. He's hovering perfectly between desire and curiosity now, his need to find out exactly what Joseph wants most dovetailing with his need to make him squirm. He moves forward a little, humming at the unfamiliar sensation, and then pulls back, his hand stroking slowly as he kisses and licks in turn, thoughtful and experimental.]

[Oh, and Joseph's looking at him again. He glances up and smiles, warm and hazy. That's mine, he thinks, he's mine, and hums again, flicking his tongue against the underside of Joseph's cock.]

[nextlineis]

[Nope.]

[Nope. Nope, nope, nope.]

[Nope.]

[Nope, looking was a mistake. A great, beautiful, dizzying, and wonderful mistake, but holy shit that was a mistake. It's tough enough just feeling Caesar touch, kiss, and lick him. It's another to see him do it. To see him do it with that smile . . . Joseph wants to die. Only a little. Maybe that's weird. Maybe it isn't. But he wants to die a little because he doesn't think he can take Caesar looking at him like that with that handsome smile by itself let alone making eye contact with him while he's—]

[Joseph hisses a sharp curse and looks back up at the ceiling. And without even really meaning to, he squirms. He squirms and lets out a helpless little noise as his grip on Caesar's shoulder tightens enough that blunt nails are starting to dig. Joseph sucks in his lower lip, biting it again. But it's no use. That look in Caesar's eye and the curve of his smile are stuck in Joseph's mind and he knows it's going to be a while before he'll be able to not think about it and feel it all the way from the top of his head to his toes. Joseph squeezes his eyes shut tight, unsure if he's trying to shake the image away already or if he's just trying to focus on it more.]

[It shouldn't be this easy to drive him crazy. He thinks. Maybe. Maybe it doesn't matter. He doesn't know and he doesn't have the energy to put into thinking about it. So right now, it doesn't matter when he has to focus this much on remembering to take at least somewhat regular breaths of air.]