ic inbox ( ruby city )

[mylegacy]

"Leave a message, per favore; I'll be back before you know it."

[text|voice|video]

Comments

[mylegacy]

He doesn't stand a chance.

[— AGAINST MY ORGANIZATION LAUNCHER —]

[lapidarius]

He's hopelessly outmatched and outnumbered. It's almost unfair, but that's not going to stop me.

[mylegacy]

Playing fair is overrated. Just surprise him with all the Italian you know in a month or two, maybe he'll pass out or something.

[lapidarius]

He sent me pickup lines once.

[SAID IN THE TONE OF A CHILD WHO JUST REALIZED VENGEANCE IS WITHIN HIS GRASP.]

Awful ones. I have to figure out even worse ones to tell him to his face and watch him suffer appropriately.

[mylegacy]

[. . .]

[.............]

[@ future jotaro: sorry]

You've probably come to the right place, then.

[SHITTY PICKUP LINES CENTRAL, RIGHT HERE]

[lapidarius]

[HALLELUJAH CHORUS]

I can't tell you how thrilled I am that you're willing to help me get revenge here.

[mylegacy]

Revenge is what I do, Kakyoin. Revenge and this.

Do you want really embarrassing, awful lines that work, or really embarrassing, awful lines that are just embarrassing and awful?

[lapidarius]

Both.

[he is THAT OFFENDED, judging by the actually evil grin on his face.]

[mylegacy]

[This . . . is genuinely delightful.]

All right. And in which direction are we going? Functional to humiliating, or the other way?

[lapidarius]

Hm...that's a good question.

[Which is being given appropriately careful thought.]

I think humiliating to functional would be better. He'll let his guard down and think I've become a babbling idiot, and then I'll be able to go straight for the throat.

[Prooooobably literally.]

[mylegacy]

[. . . And that's probably where he should draw the line in terms of too much information, but he honestly can't because it's fucking hilarious, and it shows. He doesn't laugh, but he's thinking about it.]

Easily done. I'll do some thinking and come up with a list.

. . . What did he use on you? I honestly can't imagine it at all.

[lapidarius]

It was awful. 'Is there an airport nearby, or is that my heart taking off?' 'Is it hot in here or is it just you?' Worse because I didn't know what he was doing and asked a friend to translate. Which I will regret for the rest of my life because it was the most embarrassing thing I have ever suffered through.

...In fact he's lucky I didn't beat the living hell out of him after that.

[mylegacy]

You might be a little whipped.

[— thank you, pot.]

[lapidarius]

Oh, like hell I am.

[if anyone is whipped in this relationship it is both of them.]

Just because he got away with something once doesn't mean he always does.

[mylegacy]

That's kind of a big something.

[lapidarius]

It was one time. If he tried to pull something like that again I'd probably punch him.

[mylegacy]

"Probably".

[lapidarius]

Well I'm hardly going to try to break his nose, I reserve that kind of thing for Polnareff.

[mylegacy]

Polnareff is annoying.

[lapidarius]

Usually, yes.

[and he loves his friend so much, that idiot.]

[mylegacy]

. . . He's annoying, but you still like him.

[There's a questioning undercurrent here. Explain.]

[lapidarius]

...Let me put it this way.

'Annoying' is likely one of the first terms one would use to describe Joseph Joestar if they just met him.

['but you freely associate with him for roughly similar reasons.']

[mylegacy]

I wasn't trying to be rude.

[Okay but you were, though.]

[lapidarius]

Neither was I. Stating an objective fact isn't rude, it's being honest.

[mylegacy]

It sounded rude.

[YOU'RE BOTH RUDE.]